When I was little, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a mom (well, also a princess, but I gave up on that when I fell in love with a commoner ;) ). My mom stayed home with us my whole childhood, and she never had a job outside motherhood, so I thought that’s what I wanted too. I thought I would just LOVE being a mom.
When Russ and I decided to start having kids, we were surprised to find that it took us nearly two years to get pregnant. In that time, I longed for a baby, and I was so sad not to have one.
Then I finally did have kids, and you know what I found out? Motherhood is HARD! Like, I knew theoretically that motherhood was hard, but I was surprised by just how difficult I find it sometimes.
I love my kids fiercely, but I easily get frustrated about so many things about being a stay-at-home mom: staying on top of housework and dinner planning/prep; handling the many requests for, well, everything; trying to come up with fun plans only to have a cranky kid while we do the plans; and basically just feeling like I give everything I have all day long, only to be disrespected or have even more demanded of me.
Yikes, didn’t mean to go full-blown negative up there, but these are the thoughts I often find myself having. Of course there are wonderful things about being a mom, too! But I guess they just seem to occur less often, or more accurately, I’m not devoting enough energy to focusing on the good. I’m trying to work on that.
Anyway, after having this same “motherhood is hard” conversation with my friend a few months ago, we both arrived at the same conclusion that probably the most difficult thing about motherhood is that it’s thankless work. Like I said above, we can give everything we have, and kids still feel entitled to ask for more (whether that’s toys, hugs, tv time, fun activities, different food — whatever!).
AND SO (now the part of the post that is actually hopefully helpful!) I decided to try something new with my family. We call it “appreciations,” and we do it every morning during breakfast.
Someone starts out by voicing an appreciation for another member of the family, and then the appreciations travel from there. Sometimes we just go through each person one time, while other times we keep doing appreciations all through breakfast. The appreciations are usually simple — “I appreciate that you made breakfast,” or “I appreciate that you took me to the park yesterday” — but they still make an impact. It’s nice to be noticed for the little things.
We all participate, even Holly (almost 21 months)! We just ask her who she appreciates, “mama, dada, or sissy?” and she answers :)
We do it during breakfast because that’s now the only meal we get all together every day of the week (due to Russ’s work schedule), but it could be done during another meal, or at some other time during the day. I do think a consistent time for it is helpful for making it happen though.
So yes, the appreciations are little, but my hope is that little by little, it will infuse a bit more joy and gratitude into my life, both by my expressing appreciation and receiving it. We’ve been doing it for a few weeks now, and I have found that it helps when we’re consistent with it, though I won’t claim it as a magic pill juuuust yet. I clearly still have lots of work and refocusing to do to find more joy in motherhood.
How do you find joy in motherhood? Leave me allllllll your tips!!