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A Coat of Yellow Paint, by Naomi Davis
I chose this book because I heard heard the author talk about it in a podcast episode of 3 in 30, and based on the episode, her book seemed to be about creating adventure in your everyday life with kids.
Well, just like what happened with January’s book, there was a *small* part of Davis’s book that focused on this, but the book also covered all sorts of other topics that didn’t feel as focused on parenthood. This book was a fine memoir, but once again, not quite the book I was hoping for. That being said, here are a few of my key takeaways from the book!
Focus on the Perks
“We can choose to fixate on the less-than-ideal parts of anything. Or we can shrug these off and focus on the actual perks. . . . It all depends on the view.”
I’ve heard this recommendation many times from Ralphie of @SimplyOnPurpose, only Ralphie says “Look for the Good.” But whether you say “look for the good” or “focus on the perks,” it means the same thing. And no matter how you say it, it’s not something I’m great at; instead I’m very tuned in to my “what’s gone wrong” human programming. I have lots of ideas about what I’d like my life and my days (and my kids) to look/be like, and I focus way more than I wish I did on all the ways my real life is NOT the thing I’m envisioning.
But seeing this line in the book reminded me to try harder to do this. What are the perks of having small children? What are the perks of each day? And how can I create more perks in my life? The tough stuff will ALWAYS be there, so it’s not like focusing on it makes it go away. If I can focus more on the perks and good things about any day or situation, I know I’ll be happier.
Embrace the Loud Dinner Table
“[Having] ‘a big family’ is just another way of saying ‘loud dinner table.’”
I don’t want a “big family” like the author has, but I have always wanted kids. It’s easy to say “I want kids,” and another story entirely to take care of kids and be around kids. For some reason, we get it in our heads that kids are particularly clever, love to follow rules, and only ever say kind things . . . and then we have kids and it can feel like a rude awakening. I liked what Davis meant by the above quote — that having kids is synonymous with many other things that maybe we didn’t explicitly sign up for. But even though we may not have explicitly signed up for a loud dinner table, we DID sign up for having kids, so we need to be willing to embrace the tough stuff, because that will work out a lot better for us.
And if a loud dinner table is your particular vice, Davis recommends conversation starters and table games (like Would You Rather). To her list, I’ll add giving out family awards (idea from @thrivinginmotherhood.podcast) and sharing everyone’s highs and lows from the day.
Seek More Adventure
“. . . the travel experience has helped us create a special bond as we explore, learn, and try new things in new destinations together.”
“Travel aside, a mentality of getting out and seeking adventure with our family has been a big priority since our kids were infants.”
“ . . . Keeping my expectations flexible and making the most of the circumstances are key to having an incredible time together, one we can reflect on fondly for years to come.”
And here’s what I thought the whole book was about!
If you’re like me, you love a good routine and schedule. Spontaneity is fun in theory, but it can just be so tricky! “Adventuring” can sound a whole lot like hard work and whining kids, which can keep us from doing it. But I have to remind myself that there will always be obstacles, and I’ll always be working with real humans with real emotions, so perhaps prioritizing adventure NOW, no matter your circumstances, is the only way to become a person (with kids) who goes on adventures. I certainly don’t want to get to the end of my kids’ childhood, only to realize that their only memories are of being cooped up all day to preserve naptime.
Davis’s last quote up there, about keeping expectations flexible and making the most of difficult circumstances, is the part I especially need to work on. I have this thought that if I plan something fun, my kids should be grateful and gracious, and that’s just not typically the case. I need to figure out how to not let that make ME a giant grumpy-monster.
Some other favorite quotes:
“Kind communication is key.”
“Frequently acknowledge the strengths our partners bring into our relationships, and at the same time we can share our frustrations without seeking to hurt their feelings. We can choose to be a team . . .”
“‘You enjoy making those memories, dear. I know it’s a lot of hard work, but enjoy making the memories.’” (emphasis added)
“Tune out absolutely everything— and tune in to something Greater.”
Is it just me or do I sound like I have A LOT of work to do (on myself)? Lately I write these blog posts covering the top things I take away from these parenting books I’m reading, and I feel kind of like a failure because there are so many things I wish I were doing better, and I’m just not doing well on them at all at the moment. But awareness is the first step, right? So here’s to working a little harder to focus on the perks, embrace the loud dinner table, and seek more adventure!
Check out this post to see all the other books we’re reading this year!