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MORE THAN HAPPY: The Wisdom of Amish Parenting, by Serena B. Miller
More than Happy is Serena Miller’s deep dive into what makes Amish children so joyful and respectful. Miller covers faith, community, technology, and more as she looks into what Amish families do differently to get such a different result with their children.
While I enjoyed learning about Amish practices, I was disappointed to find out that Miller herself is not Amish — I was hoping the book would be straight from the source! I also found that Miller provided unnecessary details in many of her stories, and sometimes even whole stories seemed superfluous. Not to mention I kind of felt like she threw real people under the bus as she made comparisons between their way and the Amish way — not cool, especially since she’s a minister’s wife and it seemed that she was usually talking about someone from their congregation!
As far as whether or not I’d recommend this book, I’d MUCH sooner recommend Hunt, Gather, Parent, which teaches similar principles and gets 5 stars from me. However, I still gleaned good information from this book, and I’ll share a few of my top takeaways below!
Keep the Family Central
“Amish families are large, and extended families often live in close proximity. Family members are constantly in and out of each other’s homes. . . . From the time they are infants, children live in a society where they are surrounded by people who care about them, a culture that is intentionally built around the importance of family and community.”
“One of the reasons Amish children are so content is because they are born into a community structured to make the family central, and this allows children to feel secure.”
“The family unit is to be honored and protected one’s entire life.”
Amish people prioritize family above pretty much everything else (God first, then family). Every decision they make comes back to how they value God and their families. Since they are constantly surrounded by family, and constantly striving to love and serve their family members, Amish families tend to be close-knit, which decreases loneliness and increases a sense of belonging. All of these factors contribute to a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons), and we also have a core belief that “The family is central to the Creator’s plan.” So basically, we feel the same way about the family unit that the Amish do.
However, I think I sometimes forget to actually prioritize family in the way that the Amish do, or the way that my church teaches. If I could block out worldly influences and expectations in order to make my family more central in my life, I think I would also have a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Choose Technology on Purpose
“They believe that owning this technology can cause enormous damage to a family, not only because of some of the ungodly things that appear on the internet and television, but because it distracts the parents from the important job of raising and teaching their children.”
“The Amish, because of the lifestyle sacrifices they make, simply have fewer things to distract them from giving their children the attention they crave.”
“I am convinced that one of the biggest reasons Amish children seem more content is that they seldom need to whine or misbehave in order to get attention. They already have it.”
“Instead of immediately embracing each new thing that comes along, they wait and watch. If they see that the technologies are having a bad effect on our families, they will choose not to allow it into their own homes. . . . The Amish’s slow deliberation and debate over accepting new things has created a cushion of protection around their families.”
I found the Amish perspective on technology to be SO interesting. Outside observers like myself might find it easy to label the Amish as “weird” or “crazy” or “stuck in the past” for not using technology, but when you get deeper into WHY they forego many modern technological advances, it makes a lot more sense and, honestly, makes them seem like the actual geniuses for skipping out on the clutches of technology.
How many of us have complained about how addicting our phones, social media, and tv are, and yet we don’t actively choose to quit them because those are just “the norms” nowadays? 🙋🏼♀️ I love that last quote in particular, because it shows how the Amish are deliberate about their technology choices for the purpose of keeping their families safe. Once again, the families are central, and steering clear of technology helps keep them that way.
That being said, I’m not ready to give up every technological advance. I don’t think all technology distracts from the importance of God and the family. However, the Amish way of looking at technology has convinced me that I need to take better inventory of all the technology my family indulges in; once I do, I’m sure I’ll find many ways to set aside technology in the name of prioritizing our family instead. If I could have kids that whine or misbehave less often because they have more of my focused attention, that would be amazing!
Create a Community
“In our overworked society, there is a temptation to isolate oneself and one’s family and not bother with the effort of hospitality, but the Amish believe that one’s children will be short-changed by it.”
“‘Those who visit in your home can help validate all the things you are trying to teach your children. It isn’t always easy, it isn’t always cheap, and it is rarely convenient, but having people in your home is worth it. The presence of good people in your life can have an enormously positive impact on your children.’”
Amish people tend to stick together as one group. They live near each other, they worship together, and they help and support each other through the ups and downs of life. Their communities are tight-knit, and as one of Miller’s interviewees put it, she has “never been lonely a day in [her] life.” I’d be willing to bet that most non-Amish Americans could not say the same thing. There are even studies dedicated to understanding this “loneliness epidemic” that we’re going through in recent years.
Perhaps that’s why the principle of creating a community and the encouragement to invite people into our homes are so appealing to me. Over and over, as I read this book and others alongside it, I longed for the type of connection that seemed commonplace in other times in history. We are all so distracted by our technology and our busy lives and our own stuff. Everyday connection is harder to come by, and it’s not even guaranteed with our children, spouses, and friends! We have to actively seek out deeper connections if we want them.
Establishing community in this day and age isn’t easy, but I do think it’s worth it to bring more friendship and support to your life and your family (plus the opportunity to be a friend and offer support). Not only does it help ease loneliness, but it also helps for children to have more examples to look to and more older children and adults to lean on.
While I’m not in a hurry to give up all my modern conveniences and become Amish, I do admire much about the Amish way of life. They are rooted in strong family values and a deep sense of community, and they prioritize simplicity, hard work, and genuine connection with their children. By emphasizing the importance of faith, respect, and discipline, Amish parents equip their children with invaluable life skills and a solid foundation for personal growth.
I want to draw from the Amish people’s wisdom and focus more on making my family central, choosing technology on purpose, and creating a bigger and stronger community to improve my family’s life :)
Check out this post to see all the other books we’re reading this year!