For as long as I can remember, my mom has always been involved in some sort of monthly girls' night gathering. For a long time it was Bunko, and then for another long time it was scrapbooking groups. Maybe that’s why I’ve always felt the need to have regular girls’ nights, too.
Back in college, I was super into crafting, so I first tried to start a crafting group. I tried for a few months, but couldn’t get people to come consistently.
A few years later, shortly after moving to our house, I tried to do monthly movie nights. Again, I did this for a few months, but it still seemed difficult to get people to come consistently.
Then, between Covid and getting sick of what felt like rejection, I took a break from girls’ nights for a while.
But now that things have calmed down, and especially since I’m in the thick of motherhood and need time for me and for friendships, I decided I’m ready to try girls’ nights again. In starting up again, I tried to analyze why past groups hadn’t been successful, as well as what I want out of these new girls’ nights.
Reasons for lack of success in the past
1. The crafting group wasn’t successful because it was too specific, and I hadn’t found people who were specifically into crafts — at least not enough to come to a monthly gathering.
2. The movie nights, while fun, didn’t lend themselves toward much connection.
3. Movies are a longer time commitment.
4. I had been all-inclusive with both of these groups (invited tons of people), and the result was actually not much attendance.
What I want from girls’ nights
1. Deeper connection. I want more than just surface-level small talk.
2. Easy. I don’t want it to feel like a chore for anyone to come (or for myself as hostess!).
3. People who value female friendship and honor their commitments. I understand that life gets more full of activities and obligations the older you get and the more people you add to your family, but female friendships are still very important to me, and I want to connect with other people who also value female friendships.
The purpose and structure of my new girls’ nights
With all of that in mind, plus the fact that I have more cakes I want to make than I can consume on my own, I decided my new attempt at girls’ nights would center around Cake & Conversation.
Deeper Connection
To make the girls’ night more unique and enticing, I’ll provide a question beforehand that goes beyond the usual surface-level. I first tried this at my birthday party earlier this year, and I was amazed how much more fun and meaningful the party felt, even though a few of my guests started the night as complete strangers!
Easy
Part of making this girls’ night easy is keeping it short. All C&C girls’ nights will be just one hour. People tend to put their kids in one-hour activities all the time, so I figure we mamas can get away for one hour, too!
Another part of making it easy is that no one has to bring anything (like a craft) – just themselves and their answer to the question!
People who value female friendship and honor their commitments
Like I said before, I used to invite everyone to any type of girls’ night I hosted. But instead of coming from a place of abundance, it actually came from a place of scarcity. I was so worried I couldn’t get enough people to come, so I just invited a ton thinking at least a few would come if I did that.
This time around, I’m not doing that. I want 4-5 guests per girls’ night, and I’m going to be willing to ask people multiple times if they don’t respond. At other times when I’ve asked people to come to things, I’ve hated feeling like I’m the “last choice.” Like, “Oh, I’ll see if I can come to your thing! [as long as there isn’t anything better going on that night . . . ]”
Since I’ll expect a true RSVP, people will not have the option to be wishy-washy – they’ll either commit to coming or commit to not coming, and either way is fine with me as long as they commit to something!
For now, I’ll switch up the guest list every time because I want to get to know more people and open my opportunities for friendship, but perhaps it will evolve into the same group of 5 later on.
So how did the first attempt go?
I was a little nervous going into my first C&C gathering because I’ve never hosted such a structured girls’ night, and I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing. However, it turned out just fine!
I had a mix of people who didn’t all know each other super well, so the first part of the night was spent eating cake and chatting through the regular get-to-know-you questions, and then we moved into the question of the night, which was, “What is one character trait you LOVE about yourself?”
I love this question because not only do you get to learn something out of the ordinary about someone (the character trait), but you also see a little bit about what they really value. Some of the character traits that came up were empathy, not judgmental, and a willingness to admit being wrong.
I think women don’t spend enough time looking for the good about themselves, so I like giving people a chance to do just that :)
I also have to note that the cake turned out AMAZING. Seriously so delicious.
Obviously this is a brand-new venture of mine, so I can’t tell you how it will turn out long-term! But I’m hoping and planning for the best, and I think getting clear on what I want to provide and what I want to gain from these girls’ nights is going to help me create the girls’ nights that I envision. You’ll be able to find all my C&C cakes and questions on my @cakecreationsbyash Instagram page if you’re interested :)
Do you do a regular girls’ night? How do you make it work, or what do you look for in a girls’ night?