A common question I get is, “Ashley, I need my older children to start room sharing to clear the nursery for the new baby. How do I do it?!?” Child sleep is exhausting enough when you’re just dealing with one child, but things get even more complicated when you try to put two kids together!
While I’m a firm believer in keeping kids in separate rooms for sleep if at all possible (it’s just easier!), I also know this isn’t feasible for every family. Luckily, I know how to do it successfully, as it is a goal I’ve helped many families accomplish during our time working together.
First things first, there are a few things you’ll want to do to prepare your children for these upcoming changes to their sleep environment.
Room Sharing Preparation
Start With Good Sleepers
You’ll want to make sure your children are both independent sleepers; otherwise, it might be a recipe for disaster. They’ll feed off each other at bedtime or during night wakings, and no parent has the time or energy for that! Tie up any loose ends with sleep before putting them in the same room together, and I promise you, it’ll save a lot of heartache and trouble down the road. (If you’re not able to sleep train separately before putting your children in the same room together, there are ways to go about it, it will likely just take longer.)
Establish Sleep Rules
Once you have solid sleepers, it’s time to outline some rules together, especially for children who are in the 3-5 age range. Use visuals to remind your kids of the rules -- make a poster that your children help decorate, or even a book that features them as the main characters! Repetition of these rules is KEY to helping outline expectations and having success, so go over the sleep rules during every bedtime routine for a while!
General sleep rules for room sharing are as follows:
We stay in bed.
We close our eyes.
We stay quiet.
We allow our sibling to sleep.
We try to sleep.
Use a Sticker Chart
Once you’re ready to roll, you’ll want to use a sticker chart to kick off the process and encourage success with meeting goals and following the sleep rules. Positive reinforcement will help solidify positive behavior. Make sure your children understand how they get stickers (following the sleep rules) and what happens when their sticker chart is full (some sort of prize, special activity, or treat). Over time, as your children are consistent with following the rules, you can wean off the chart.
Teach Your Children How to Use an Okay-to-Wake Clock
Okay-to-wake clocks are a great way to help your toddlers or preschoolers feel like they have a bit more control: instead of relying on you to let them know when they can get out of bed, they can rely on the clock!
Make sure that your children understand what the different colors or settings on an okay-to-wake-clock mean. For example, yellow means it’s time to get ready for bed, red means it’s time to get in bed now, no light means it’s time to sleep, and the green light means it’s time to get up! You can roleplay and practice this with your children to help them understand.
Bonus Tips
Stagger bedtimes . . . or not
If both your room-sharers are preschoolers (3-5 years), you may have to experiment to find whether it works better to use the same bedtime for both, or to stagger bedtimes. However, if only one of your room-sharers is a preschooler and the other is a baby, staggering bedtimes is likely the way to go. Put the older child to sleep first, and once he is asleep (and can no longer bother the baby), put the younger child down. Still take into account the sleep needs for each individual child as much as possible!
Use a sound machine . . . or two
White noise machines between the sleepers can help drown out any noises one child might make when sleeping, so as not to cause the other child to wake up. One machine is typically fine if both your kiddos are already sleeping through the night. However, if your room-sharing baby still has any nightfeeds, consider using two white noise machines to drown out any associated middle-of-the-night crying.
And Remember . . .
This is a big transition! So expect some hiccups in the first week or two. REMAIN CONSISTENT with enforcing the sleep rules, sticker chart, and okay-to-wake clock, and things should smooth out fairly quickly.
When I went through my own sleep struggles with my first daughter, I tried reading the whole internet to find the answers, but it wasn’t until I worked with a sleep consultant that I was finally able to solve my daughter’s 33-minute naps. Reading a blog post can be helpful, but if you feel like you need help tackling the sibling room-sharing adventure, I’d love to help you! Check out my services here.