When you’re a new mom, constant exhaustion is the tale as old as time. However, if your child is 4, 7, 11, or 15 months old, you can throw out that story!! Even if your child still needs a nightfeed or two (more on that in a minute), you AND your child can get longer stretches of sleep and say goodbye to the perpetual parental exhaustion that is common in the first several weeks of a child’s life.
Take a look at these 5 steps to see which areas you might need to adjust to incur better sleep for the whole family.
1. Follow an Age-Appropriate Schedule
Babies who are overtired don’t sleep well, and babies who are undertired don’t sleep well, either! Both of these states can cause extra nightwakings, along with several other sleep difficulties. The age-old wives tale to “keep the baby up later so he’ll sleep longer” is absolutely false. Instead, provide Baby with the sleep he needs at the times he needs it, and you might find that your child who “hates sleep” starts sleeping like an angel! Grab my free scheduling guide here.
2. Establish a Predictable Bedtime Routine
Bedtime routines help children wind down for sleep. Following the same steps in the same order is soothing and calming for babies. Toddlers, on the other hand, can benefit from a little fun thrown into the routine! Tickling, chasing games, and jumping on the bed are all possible options to include in a toddler’s bedtime routine. Read more about bedtime routines in this blog post.
3. Prioritize Independent Sleep
The biggest culprit for broken nightsleep is that Baby doesn’t fall asleep at the start of the night on his own. He is either fed, rocked, bounced, or walked to sleep, or for older children perhaps mom or dad stays in the room until Baby falls asleep. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these practices, and there is no judgment from me if you’ve found yourself in one of these situations — I understand that you do what you have to do to get some sleep (for Baby and for you)!!
However, babies (and toddlers, and teenagers, and adults!) briefly wake between sleep cycles all night long, and if they don’t have the skills to fall asleep on their own in the first place, they don’t know how to fall back to sleep after these brief wakings. Brief wakings turn out to be not-so-brief, or they require assistance from mom or dad in every instance.
Teach your child to sleep independently by choosing a sleep training method you feel comfortable with; then give your child time and space to practice this new skill.
4. Give Appropriate Feedings
Depending on age, your child really might still need a nightfeed (or even 2)! However, waking every hour or two, all night long, is completely unnecessary. Give your child appropriate nightfeeds, but then be consistent in your treatment of any nightwakes that are outside of the feeding windows.
Timing for appropriate nightfeeds:
3 months: 4 hours/2.5 hours
4 months: 5 hours/3.5 hours
5 months: 6 hours/3.5 hours
6 months: 7 hours/3.5 hours
7-9 months: 7+ hours, no second feed
10 months: no feeds (solid 11-12 hours of sleep for Baby! 🎉)
A feed should be given as the first part of the bedtime routine, and then the first nightfeed is counted from that bedtime feed time. The second nightfeed is counted from the first nightfeed.
A 5 month old might have his bedtime feed at 7pm, go down for bed at 7:30pm, and then should not have a nightfeed until at least 1am (6 hours after 7pm). If he’s still sleeping, don’t feed him at that time! Wait for him to naturally wake. Then say he wakes at 1:30am for his first nightfeed; his second feed should occur no earlier than 5am (3.5 hours after his first nightfeed).
**Pro tip: always wait at least 10 minutes after Baby wakes before giving a nightfeed if Baby is 4+ months.
5. Provide Consistent Treatment for Night Wakes
A child who is used to snacking or rocking at all hours of the night is likely to continue those waking patterns for a few days, even with all the other proper puzzle pieces in place. If Baby wakes at a time that is outside the realm of the appropriate nightfeeds, use your chosen training method (from the beginning of the night) again. Make sure to use it consistently! If you sometimes use the training method and other times decide to “just give the feed,” Baby gets confusing messages, and the learning process is prolonged or derailed.
Keep in mind that babies don’t learn anything about how to fall asleep on their own if they’re not given that chance (so if Baby cries for an hour and is then given a feed [before the appropriate time], he only learned to cry longer to get the feed he wants). Either give the feed right away if you’re not ready to train, or commit to the training process!
If you’re overwhelmed by these steps — never fear! I can take you through this step-by-step process and fill in any blanks along the way. Check out the different ways to work with me so I can help your whole family start sleeping soundly through the night and say goodbye to that overwhelming exhaustion for good!