One of the four key foundations of healthy sleep is having concrete bedtime and naptime routines in place. (The other three pieces are self-soothing skills, an age-appropriate schedule, and parental consistency.) Whether you have a routine you LIKE or one that you HATE, you likely do have some sort of bedtime routine. I want to help you get to a place where you have a solid routine in place that works FOR you instead of against you!
Why do Kids need a Bedtime Routine?
Predictable routines let Baby know that sleep is coming, which helps Baby wind down and ultimately fall asleep. Babies and small children truly thrive when they know what to expect.
When routines are haphazard and variable, Baby will do more to test the parental boundaries because she doesn’t fully understand what the boundaries are.
When routines are consistent but NOT what you want them to be, Baby becomes dependent on those routines, even if they’re not helpful!
Establishing a bedtime routine that is both consistent AND what you want it to be will help evenings go more smoothly for everyone involved.
If the Bedtime Routine is Inconsistent
If you sometimes read one book at bedtime, and other times you read three books, Baby never knows whether tonight is a one-book night or a three-book night. If you read one book and then tell her it’s time for bed, she may put up a big fight because she’s found that sometimes when she does that, she gets what she wants. However, if you routinely read her one book every night at bedtime, that’s what she’ll learn to expect (even if she still asks for more books every night, she likely won’t do so with a tantrum).
If the Bedtime Routine is Not What You Want
If you feed your baby to sleep or lie down next to your toddler until they fall asleep, that’s exactly what they’ll expect every night because it’s become part of the routine. If you don’t mind these practices, then there’s no problem (except that these practices usually lead to unnecessary nightwakings)! But if this isn’t what you want, you’ll have to put in the work to change the routine, and since kids love routines, they don’t like it when their routines are changed! Baby will not like the change at first, but as you stay consistent with your new routine, Baby will come to understand and even embrace it! It simply takes some time and space to get used to the changes.
Bedtime Routine Ideas
Your routine doesn’t have to be long or complicated, it just has to be consistent. If you’re looking for ideas for your bedtime routine, here are several:
bath
massage
dance or play (toward the beginning of the routine — slow things down as the routine progresses)
milk feeding (toward the beginning of the routine, for babies 0-12 months only)
book(s)
song(s)
game(s) (like peekaboo)
review the events of the day
talk time (a few minutes just to talk to your toddler/preschooler about whatever they want to talk about)
say goodnight to Baby’s stuffed animals or other objects in the room
diaper change/go to the bathroom
brush teeth
dim the lights/use a special nightlight for the end of the routine (but I recommend complete darkness for actual sleep)
pajamas
swaddle/sleep sack
prayers
sound machine on
cuddles
kisses
Choose a routine that you can be consistent with, and also choose things that you enjoy. Don’t include anything you don’t like (except diaper changes. I currently hate that part because Holly resists, but I can’t skip this one!). Routines can change over time, but you can also keep things pretty consistent if you set things up in a way you like from the get-go.
For toddlers and older, make sure to include joyful things in the bedtime routine, like tickles, snuggles, or talk time. If the child has something to look forward to, they’re much more likely to go along well with the bedtime routine!
Our Routines
Currently I have two girls and they both go to bed around 7:30pm. This means bedtime routines happen simultaneously! We start about 7pm and we do much of the routine all together, with the exception that my 5-year-old does some of the first things on her own while I help my 2-year-old. Toward the end, I split off with whichever one needs to go down first and let the other one do her own thing for a couple minutes; when I come back to the other girl, we resume our routine.
Ada (5 years)
Use the toilet
Put pajamas on
Brush teeth
Read one book
Say prayers
Lights off/sound machine on
Snuggle in bed while we
Each say our Lows and Highs from the day
Sing one song
Give hugs and kisses
Leave the room (leave the door open 3-4 inches with the hall light on. I shut the door sometime after she falls asleep.)
I have never once slept in Ada’s room, but I wanted to note that she asks me to sleep with her multiple times each week. This just goes to show that even when you have a solid routine, kids still try to push boundaries! But it is your job as the parent to firmly hold any boundaries that are important to you (like sleeping in your own bed, for instance. That’s important for me!).
Holly (2 years)
Bedtime Routine
Change diaper
Put on pajamas and sleep sack
Brush teeth
Read one book (She often roams the room during the book)
Say prayers
Light off/sound machine on (She insists on being the one to do these things)
Cuddle her in the rocking chair while I sing one song
Hugs and kisses
Lay her down and leave the room (shut the door completely)
Naptime Routine
Put on sleep sack
Light off/sound machine on
Cuddle her in the rocking chair while I sing one song
Hugs and kisses
Lay her down and leave the room (shut the door completely)
You can see that the naptime routine is just a shortened version of the bedtime routine.
Kids are all different, so some kids fight naptime more, while others fight bedtime more. Holly almost never fights naptime, but she regularly resists her bedtime pjs and diaper change. Sometimes she runs out of her room when it’s time to turn off the lights. Often, she’ll stall during the hugs and kisses portion by always insisting on hugging someone who isn’t currently holding her or in her room. These are all normal things, but I just try to stay calm through each of these hurdles and still get her down on time. Sometimes there are tears after I lay her down, but she usually calms down within a minute and then gets comfortable to fall asleep.
Do you have a bedtime routine in place for your child(ren)? What does it look like?