Whether you like S.M.A.R.T. goals or impossible goals, habit goals or project goals, there’s no denying that the new year feels like a great time to set some goals. While I’m not usually one for super concrete New Year Resolutions (too many failures doing it that way!), I definitely use the fresh start to think about what I want for the new year.
Sometime near the beginning of December, I always write a family newsletter that I send out with our digital Christmas Card. I think about our family’s various achievements and notable events from the last year, and put them all into one letter. I’m always a little surprised to remember how many great things have happened over the year!
I think the reason I’m surprised is because on a day-to-day basis, I feel a lot of negative emotions — boredom, overwhelm, frustration — and although I feel plenty of positive emotions, too, I know I’ve been focusing more on the negative in recent years.
For me, life as a stay-at-home mom can often feel thankless and mundane. I do what I can to infuse bursts of fun and excitement into our lives; those are the kinds of things that usually make it into the newsletter! But for the past few years, I have felt a little bit down, and even fake as I write about all the good things from the year, because “success” or “happiness” just don’t seem to be the overall feelings of the year; “barely hanging on” feels more accurate, to be honest.
For that reason, I decided this would be the year when I choose a single, powerful word to guide my year.
I heard about this concept several years ago (not even sure where), but I’ve never actually done it. I’ve resisted it because it requires intentionality both in picking the word and in following through living by that word.
As I reflected on 2021, I had the thought, “I just want to get to the end of a year, look back, and feel an overwhelming sense of JOY about the previous year — knowing that while there had been both difficult times and wonderful times, I had chosen JOY more often; knowing that I’d worked hard, played hard, and loved hard, regardless of my circumstances.“
And so I decided that rather than any specific goals, I will focus on JOYFUL as the single, powerful word that will frame my life in 2022.
How I plan to use my one-word mantra
I know that many moms feel guilty about prioritizing themselves, but that is not a struggle for me — I’m actually really good at taking time for myself and doing activities just for me that bring joy to my life. I plan girls nights, read books, work on my business, and I even take a weekly adult hip hop class!
My struggle is to find joy in the everyday moments that I spend taking care of my kids at home. I LOVE my kids, but in the past, I’ve spent too much of my time waiting around for nap time or bedtime. When I think about wanting to look back on my year and feel JOY, it’s about learning to find joy in my daily life with my kids.
Change my Thoughts
My favorite podcaster, Jody Moore, teaches that our thoughts lead to our feelings, and our feelings determine our actions and results. Therefore, if my goal is to feel more joy, then a big part of what I need to do is work on changing my thoughts.
Some of my Past/Current Thoughts
Kids are hard.
They always want/need something.
I’m trying so hard to do everything “right,” but what is “right”?
I can’t do anything I want to do when they’re awake.
Why can’t they just listen to me?!
Thoughts I’m working toward
I want to see more of what my kids think/say/do. I want to be present for it!
Kids are learning how the world works. This takes time.
I want to teach them with love and intentionality.
It’s okay if every day doesn’t go perfectly. Life is 50/50. Perfection is a myth.
What if my everyday life with kids could actually be SO MUCH FUN?
Change my Actions
While I really do believe that changing thoughts is the biggest key to changing feelings, there are a few concrete actions that I’ve begun to take so far this year (honestly as a result of some other changed thoughts) that, in addition to the thought work I’m doing, are greatly helping bring more joy to my life!
1. Put down the phone!
After reading 3 books all at the same time that had a major focus on intentional phone use (including January’s #SCSPbookclub pick!), I realized just how frequently I turn to my phone, and how it’s not making my life better, and in fact is making it worse! One of the books (24/6, by Tiffany Shlain) recommends completely unplugging for one day each week. Our family started this the first Sunday of the year and it has been AMAZING so far! Sundays have quickly become our favorite day of the week because we are able to be so present with each other. On the rest of the days, we also put our phones away for meals, and we’re getting better at putting them out of sight more often. Whereas I used to not go more than half an hour between Instagram checks, I now often go 6-8 hours without even thinking about it.
2. Bring the kids into my life
Kids tend to make chores take longer, and they don’t do things as well as I can. As such, I’ve frequently become irritable whenever they try to help me with anything I’m doing. However, another book (Hunt, Gather, Parent, by Michaeleen Doucleff) helped me to see their efforts differently. Now I’m starting to get excited anytime they want to help because I get to be the one to teach them! It becomes meaningful time spent together rather than me setting them up with something to do so I can do my things on my own (not that there’s anything wrong with that — setting up kid activities is just not my style!). It also helps fill our days because we have to slow down to go at their pace.
And not only can I bring them into the work I do, but I’m also learning how to do things side-by-side with them that I actually enjoy, like reading a book while they look through picture books, or going on a slower-paced nature walk together.
3. Read parenting books!
You’ll notice that both of my above points were influenced by books, and that’s because lately, I’m reading more than I have in a long time. And what I’m discovering is the more I read (specifically as I read parenting books, but some other personal-growth books, too), the better idea I get of what I believe and how I want to parent. I think in the past I’ve been unsure about a lot of things when it comes to parenting, and when I read parenting books, I quickly see the points I definitely agree with vs. the ones that I’m not too sure about. This helps me determine what changes I want to make moving forward, and helps me feel more confident in my role as a mom. Confidence is a huge factor for joy, in my opinion!
4. Spend more present time with the kids
The more I watch and listen to my kids, the more awesome I think they are. I’m spending more car time talking with Ada instead of zoning out. We’ve added saying our daily highs and lows into our bedtime routine, which helps both of us look forward to connection at bedtime. We’ve played more games and done more activities together that we all enjoy. As we’ve talked more, more hugs and kisses and snuggles have naturally occurred, which seems to connect us even further.
There have still been moments and even days when I’ve slipped back into old patterns and I don’t feel as joyful, but overall, everything is improving already! I’m finding that with all the little changes I make, I’m reaping great rewards. We’re only one month into the year, but if the year continues the way this last month has, I definitely think I’ll be ending 2022 full of JOY!
Do you choose a word for the year? Tell me yours in the comments!