There is no "one right way" to sleep train every baby and toddler out there. Some children are more stimulated by parental presence during sleep training; other children are more calmed by parental presence during sleep training. Some parents are more reassured the more involved they are in the training; other parents find it easier to be as removed from the training as possible. My sleep training series is designed to show you some of the options available for sleep training so that you can decide what will work best for you and your child. Click for other training methods.
*Formal sleep training methods are generally suggested for children who are at least 16 weeks old (adjusted age).
Overview
If your child is a ninja at getting you back to his room after you’ve said “goodnight,” this may be the method for you! It involves very brief checks at short intervals to reassure Baby that Mom and Dad are close by, thus decreasing Baby’s compulsion to get Mom and Dad back in the room. (Similar to the Scripted Checks method, but specifically for toddlers and preschoolers.)
This method is good for:
Older children (2.5+ years)
Kids who are used to a lot of parental presence to get to sleep
Parents who want more involvement throughout sleep training
Parents who are committed to consistency
This method is not good for:
Younger children
Parents who are unwilling to be consistent with frequent checks
Parents who can’t refrain from touching and interacting with their crying toddler
How it Works
Begin by having a family meeting with your little one. Let him know that you love him, and because you love him, you want him to get good sleep. To help him get good sleep, there will be a few changes surrounding bedtime. Outline all those changes, specifically letting Baby know what will happen (or won’t happen) in various circumstances; essentially, explain the training method (details below).
After a soothing bedtime routine, lay Baby down (awake), and remind him that you’ll be back to check on him in five minutes. Leave his room, set your timer, and make sure to go back to his room after five minutes like you said you would.
When you check on him, simply poke your head into the room and softly say a brief script, something like, “I’m checking on you! I’ll be back to check on you again in five minutes.” This isn’t a time for extra bedtime conversation, but rather to let Baby know you’re still close by. Quickly leave after saying your script, and then come back after 5 minutes for another check.
Continue to do 5-minute checks on Baby until he’s asleep. As you continue this process, Baby will come to trust that you are nearby and he’ll fall asleep more and more quickly.
If Baby calls you back into his room before a 5-minute check, ignore his calls. He can survive without just about anything for five minutes, so there’s no need to go to him sooner than 5 minutes.
Additionally, anticipate needs ahead of time. Give Baby a drink, take him to the bathroom, give him a good snuggle, and give him any necessary blankets or comfort items before saying goodnight. That way, when he asks for various things, you can confidently ignore his requests because you’ve already taken care of all those things.
Remember, the 5-minute checks aren’t to take care of more needs, they’re just to remind Baby that you’re close by. Don’t let Baby rope you into doing more than saying your simple script.
Initially, you may have to do many checks before Baby falls asleep. But as he comes to trust the pattern, you should only have to do a few. Once Baby is falling asleep more quickly and predictably, you can lengthen the time between checks, or you can continue with 5-minute checks if you don’t mind them.
This method works really well because instead of coming up with ways to get you back into the room, Baby can just focus on falling asleep. He can relax and access his own self-soothing abilities because he’ll know you will be coming into the room again soon.
Don't let another parent (or sleep consultant!) pressure you into doing any training method that doesn't feel right for you. No method is better or worse than another -- it's just a matter of which is the best fit for your needs and your child's needs. If you time things appropriately for your child and you remain consistent, you can see excellent results with any training method. If you need help selecting or implementing a method, don't hesitate to reach out to me.